Just before the Thanksgiving holidays last year, I found myself faced with a flurry of emotions as it seemed so much upheaval was coming up around me. As painful as it was hearing the news I was being faced with, I knew something was kindling and should be a good student, listen and take note.
One thing I’ve learned over the years is, when you are in the midst of transition…it’s important to let things settle before you make any big decisions. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made decisions in the heat of the moment only to have it backfire on me later.
I soon found myself going through some healing that I didn’t realize was still affecting my marriage. I decided to embrace it head on. I’m not talking something from a week ago, a year ago or even 10 years ago.
I’m talking, this went back to me as a little girl around 6 years old and as a teenager. It’s crazy how much stuff can subconsciously affect your life without you even realizing it. I thought I was way past some of this stuff and had moved on years ago.
The tears began to flow and healing flooded my soul. Yet, once again, the unconditional love of God reminding me that it is in Christ, God found an accurate and complete expression of himself in me….made in his very image and likeness, reminding me of my true identity.
In the days ahead, revelations were coming to me and the dots were beginning to connect. Before I saw the complete picture, one evening after dinner with my husband and youngest son, I made a random request to pull into this accessory boutique.
While we looked throughout the store, I stumbled upon this crown. I had been wanting a crown for a long time and here was my opportunity to finally purchase it. It was as if the crown had been waiting for me all along and that night just happened to be the very night to stop in and get it. I couldn’t ignore the pull that was drawing me in. Love was drawing me and directed my steps to the very back of the store where it sat.
I stopped in my tracks as the crown took my breath away and the lights hit the crystals just so, as to sparkle with such brilliance. The next couple of days were so much fun with this crown and now it sits in my office for me to look at every day as a reminder of my royal inheritance.
In the days following, more revelations were coming to me in the midst of all this upheaval and transition. I realized during all of this discomfort a HUGE “a-ha” came to me.
I was associating a pain with the day my mom packed us up and left in her black Nova when my parents divorced. I remember sitting in the back seat and while still in the driveway, my dad hands her a milk carton ring as a “ring/token” in one last attempt to save their marriage.
As we drove down the road, I watched her toss it out the window. I remember in that very moment as a little girl, how painful that was for me to see. It spoke to me a broken marriage, a failed marriage and it set the stage for my own life and future marriage to my husband.
I also associated another pain with the day I was to see my father for the last time when I was a teenager. My dad took me school clothes shopping at Deerbrook Mall and just a few days later I would be moving to Florida….not by choice. It was the saddest day of my life knowing I would be saying goodbye to my father for awhile, only to see him for a couple of weeks on summer break.
The time drew near and as we walked out of the mall to meet my mother in the parking lot, the pounding in my heart grew heavier and louder. I remember my father and I holding and gripping each other so tight and the ripping away I felt in my heart when I knew I had to let go.
I cried for days it seemed and as you can imagine, I was an unhappy young girl for a long time. It’s especially crushing when you are a daddy’s girl. My dad taught me what it was like to experience the love of our heavenly father.
My mother wanting to move back to Florida again, and me associating these two painful memories with that began to take on a different form. I was unconsciously living my life through these two painful memories, completely unaware it was affecting my marriage all of these years.
I went as far as to slip off my wedding set my mother had given me seven years ago that was her and my father’s wedding set….something just told me to take it off. It was as if it was a declaration that I am to no longer associate myself with those thoughts of myself. Rightly so…those thoughts do not define who I am!
She really is an amazing mother and we’ve come so far in our relationship. The story alone of her giving me that wedding set, is a story in itself, but it’s part of this story too. 🙂
So, I slipped off the wedding set and put it away in my jewelry box. I shared this with my husband in case he wondered why I wasn’t wearing it anymore. He was completely understanding.
I have to tell you, this entire ring story has so much depth, symbolism and significance for me.
The weeks leading up to Christmas, a song played over and over in my mind. I would wake up with it almost every day. It’s a song by Mariah Carey, “All I Want For Christmas Is You.”
When it came time to leave on Dec. 22nd for the hill country to visit my in-laws for the holidays, after settling in, I kept singing that song in their house and my mother in law would get so tickled over it. She’s the greatest!
The lyrics I kept singing were this:
“I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true oh
All I want for Christmas is you”
My mother-in-law and I share some pretty special moments when I visit. It’s usually when the guys go out to work on the ranch and it’s just us sitting at the kitchen table having a cup of coffee.
I told her on this trip what an amazing son she has in my husband and how he is “my rock,” and I don’t know what I’d do without him. I love my in-laws so much and they mean the world to me. They have always made me feel so loved and accepted since the first day I met them over 20 years ago.
When my family and I left in the afternoon on December 24th from my in-laws to travel back home, we decided to go ahead and open presents from each other Christmas Eve. My husband and I watched our youngest son Hunter open his and when it was all over, my husband went outside and comes back in with a medium sized box.
He said, “there’s one more” and hands it to me. I unwrapped it and it was a bright pink box with pink and white tissue paper positioned perfectly around the next box to open.
I knew it was a bottle of perfume. Inside of that one was another pink box. I opened it and inside of that one was a jewelry box. I paused. I didn’t want to get too excited because for a long time my husband never seemed to see the value in getting me a wedding ring.
Honestly, I was scared to open it in fear of being disappointed again.
You have to understand…my husband never officially proposed to me and the reason we got married was because we were expecting. I actually was already making plans to leave him a little over 16 years ago before we found out. Neither one of us knew how to really love one another and the little we did, it was all coming from a place of woundedness.
Everytime I would hint around for a ring over the years, he would shrug it off and it would make me feel so unimportant to him. It would crush me every time, so I got to a point where I didn’t bring it up anymore to avoid the hurt and disappointment.
As my world stood still for a moment, I just sat there trying to gather the courage to open the gift. I picked up the jewelry box with Fred Meyer jewelers logo embossed on it, opened it and was stunned! I couldn’t say a word…all I could do is cry. Sitting in the box was a white gold, 1 carat princess cut engagement ring with two bands wrapped around it, filled with more diamonds!!!
After I got passed the crying and hugging and thanking my husband, I then started to squeal with excitement! I couldn’t believe he did it!!! I was in utter shock! He had no idea at that very moment what just transpired spiritually for me.
Suddenly our marriage was just solidified on so many levels. After 16 years of marriage (plus five years of dating), I felt I had reached this epitome of marriage bliss. It had nothing to do with the ring, although it is gorgeous! It has everything to do with the symbolism and meaning behind it for us….for me.
It spoke volumes to me that my husband now sees the value in me. He now sees I am more precious than rubies…he sees me as a diamond and for me this was so priceless because a diamond speaks of our identity. He now fully sees me as his queen…the queen I’ve always desired to be to him because he truly is my king.
Next, a couple of weeks later, to finalize what seemed to be a dimension of royalty glory I’ve yet to experience in the middle of this marriage bliss….my best friend Teresa Ferguson gave me a Christmas gift of a gorgeous and ornate statement necklace. I felt as though the story of Esther was coming to full life and expression for me this month…as if everything was just solidified for me.
A crown, a ring and a necklace….a bride completely secure in her identity ready to rule and reign.
Tomorrow, January 13, 2017 we are celebrating our 16th wedding anniversary and I can tell you, if you hang in there and embrace your healing, love your husband unconditionally and begin to see each other as our Maker sees us, it changes everything. GRACE changes everything.
Divorce is painful for all involved, but it doesn’t have to define who you are, and you can be the one in your family lineage to break the cycle and give yourself, your children and marriage a better life.
In fact, this is the first time I’ve publicly spoken about coming from a broken family, and it’s even more liberating now just being vulnerable and courageous to face how there was just a couple more things affecting my own marriage and purpose in life because of my own skewed beliefs about myself. The biggest mistake you can make is taking jewels out of your own crown and expecting your husband to fill those empty spaces. When we remove the expectations, this is when we can stand in our true identity.
Perhaps you’ve been feeling the call to rise in your full self-expression as a radiant queen…
If this touches something in your heart, I’d like to invite you to my School of Royalty where we are going to get really honest with ourselves about the life we REALLY want.
Follow this link for the details: https://valariehurst.com/school-royalty/